I have returned to work.  I was exhausted come Friday, but on the whole, forcing my lazy ass to get up and go to work every day has been beneficial for me on many levels.  As my stamina builds and I get into a routine in the coming weeks, I'm betting my exhaustion will fade away.

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In the video below, the second lady, Nicole Correy, was diagnosed with the same type of MS (primary progressive - PPMS) as I was.  The stats say that PPMS is the type of MS least likely to show any improvement following HSCT, and the odds of the treatment stopping progression are also the lowest of any type of MS, but still pretty good (in the 60-70% range).  Judging by the video,  Nicole's disability was worse than mine at the time of HSCT.  Two years have passed since her treatment and she has improved.  Her walking ability isn't perfect,  and it may never be, but she's able to walk without aid, and live independently.  That is my goal.  "There is no Plan B" (stole that quote, and it is a good one).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozoKBN-6cNQ&feature=youtu.be

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I am a basketball fan, and the NBA playoffs are underway.  This year, I am down with the King - I think Cleveland will win.

Anne talked some sense into me (and my ego), and the result is that I will be taking my walker to work when I go back.  If I fall, it could result in me getting hurt, and it's very likely that I will end up taking a proverbial step back.  No, thank you.  The best way to prevent me from falling is to have a walker.  It just makes getting around easier, especially when I am tired.  The goal is to get my walking ability to good enough level where a walker is not required.

The ideal outcome of HSCT for MS is to stop disease progression (any healing depends on other factors, and is considered a bonus).  It will take some time to determine if that has happened for me or not.  I had privately (and unrealistically) hoped that I would have improved enough by now (about 5 months post-HSCT) that I would be walking without aid.  But that is not true, and if it were then that would be great, and I would be a statistical outlier.

This post-HSCT recovery roller coaster has been a real crazy ride for me.  Up for a few days, then down for a few days, and repeat.  The emotions of it all are something I didn't anticipate, and so I don't always deal that well with them.  Having my family (immediate and extended) to help talk some sense into me has been necessary and beneficial.  Unfortunately for me, my stubbornness has slowed down my acceptance of their important and correct advice.  But, as the saying goes, better late then never.  The hardest thing for me to accept is how shitty my legs are feeling these days - no worse then they were before HSCT (maybe even slightly better) - but still shitty.  One thing that has (slowly) helped me accept is knowing that I had many lesions (or, as the Radiologist said, a "serious disease burden") on my spinal cord, which caused a lot of trouble with my legs.  HSCT does not heal lesions, its goal is to stop new one's from occurring (by killing MS), and allow your body to do its thing and heal if possible (that's right, healing is a bonus), depending on severity of damage done. the body's ability to heal, and some other things.  So, it seems to me (now) that it is foolish for me to expect immediate relief (and, even relief at any time is not guaranteed).  What I can do is be thankful, keep smiling, keep exercising, keep stretching, and whatever will be, will be.  But a positive mental attitude is paramount.

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Look out Gower Drive, there's a new sheriff in town, and her name is Aly:

I am very tired these days, and my legs are not co-operating either (they are stiff, 'noisy', wobbly, and generally uncomfortable), so I am stretching and sleeping a lot.  Could it be from pushing myself extra hard during my physio sessions?  Has my old friend MS returned?  Am I drinking enough?  Eating enough?  Is it temporary?  Permanent? Is my body fighting an infection resulting in symptomatic heightening?  Is this the result of permeant damage done to my body by MS?  Is this just part of the typical ride on the post-HSCT roller coaster?  I don't know the answer to any of these questions, so I just do what my body tells me and sleep (and stretch).  At least 8 hours a night, and 2 more during the day.  I will miss the daytime sleeps when I return to work in couple of weeks, but what you gonna do?

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My doctor and I have agreed that I will start off working 2 days on, 1 day off, and 2 days on.  If it turns out that I can't handle it, then I will adjust it as needed.  We will see how it goes.

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Walked outside today (with my fancy outdoor walker) to the street corner and back.  Something which I will keep doing, tired or not.